


a rebellious bird

by an_ardent_rain



Category: Persona 5
Genre: F/F, F/M, Romantic Friendship, Secret Crush, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 11:05:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10989633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/an_ardent_rain/pseuds/an_ardent_rain
Summary: After joining the Phantom Thieves, Ann realizes her friendship with Shiho might not be quite like other friendships. It bothers her a lot less than the realization she might have similar feelings for Ryuji.





	a rebellious bird

**Author's Note:**

> So I shipped Ann x Shiho super hard during the game, but while playing it I couldn't help but think she was kind of flirting with Ryuji a little sometimes, too. I can't imagine anyone but me would want to read this, but here you go anyway. Having a crush on a friend can be super scary, so here's Ann dealing with her feelings for Shiho and her pretty unwanted attraction to Ryuji.
> 
> Title from the Carmen Habanera aria - teensy but out of context but the idea that love can't be controlled etc fits

Before Akira, Ann had thought she had normal, run-of-the-mill friendships. She’d thought she and Shiho were as close as anybody else. She’d thought that the weird feeling she got around Shiho - a tingling in her gut, a flutter in her heart, the warmth that always seemed strangely similar to attraction - was just a normal part of friendship.

But after meeting Akira, and then Yusuke, Makoto, Futaba, and Haru, she realizes that… it’s not. It’s really not. What she always thought was similar to attraction, turned out to actually be attraction. Akira is handsome, but Ann doesn’t feel anything more physical for him than she feels when she sees Morgana - who, after all, is a cat. It’s a nice warm feeling, sure, but it’s not electric. It’s familial. Something slots into place when she sees her friends. She feels content. She feels like she belongs. When she sees Shiho, she feels the same sort of thing, but it’s not exactly content. She doesn’t feel settled, she feels… excited. She’s not content because it feels like they could have something even better, like they’re right on the brink of something incredible if only they could figure out how to reach it.

It’s a little jarring to realize that her feelings for Shiho are as much a crush as friendship, but it’s something she can accept. What she has a problem with, though…

She has the same kind of feelings for Ryuji.

Ann makes a face as she looks over to where Akira and Ryuji are stretching. She’d agreed to train with them at Protein Lovers again, and they’re all getting warmed up. A little shudder runs through her - a frisson of discomfort. Not disgust, she thinks, never quite that, because she likes Ryuji even as he annoys the hell out of her. A little dumb sometimes, maybe, but a good guy. He and Akira are laughing about something together, their grins wide and their eyes bright. She looks at Akira and wonders why not him.

He is smart and cool and way less obnoxious. A great leader, too. And he thinks before he speaks. And he really is cute, Ann thinks, tall and dreamy-eyed, with decent fashion sense and good hair. But despite that, despite knowing that he’s attractive, Ann doesn’t actually feel all that attracted to him. He’s hot, she knows intellectually, but it’s completely platonic. She wants sometimes to pet him, rub his fluffy hair like she might do to a fluffy cat. She’s never wondered what it might be like to hold him, or kiss him, or anything like that.

She’s never wondered that about Ryuji before, either, not really - but now that the thoughts are in her head she can’t quite make them leave. She’d never wondered that about Shiho until recently, until she realized that she didn’t feel the same about any of her other friends.

Her face heats up and she scowls, crossing her arms over her chest. This is ridiculous, she’s known Ryuji for years, and he’s still the same guy he was in middle school. Well almost the same. He didn’t dye his hair then, and he was shorter, and he definitely didn’t have… the same muscle definition he does now. It’s certainly not like he’s buff or anything, not really. And Shiho has better legs. Hers are slim and strong and pale, with firm calves and delicate ankles. Ryuji’s legs are long and awkward, like he’s a baby giraffe. His sport was track, so Ann thinks it would make way more sense for his legs to be his best feature, but maybe it’s just that he can’t compare to Shiho. It might be a different story with his arms, though, which look surprisingly strong for someone so gangly. Ann’s eyes are drawn to the bunch of muscle in his bicep, the strength that broadens his shoulders. And she’s angry, she realizes, angry that he’s making her feel this way, making her remember the warmth of his eyes when he smiles and the way he looks without a shirt on. She flushes, half from anger and half from embarrassment.

“Hey Ann,” he calls suddenly, startling her. She looks up to see both him and Akira staring at her. “What are you doin’, we gonna get to trainin’ or what? You got all glassy eyed.”

Ann huffs and says “You guys were the ones getting distracted! I was just waiting for you.”

He rolls his eyes and Akira grins at both of them. “Well let’s go then!”

They start their training, though Ann’s much less invested in the work than either of the boys. Akira works out like he does everything else, making it look effortless. Ryuji on the other hand trains like he’s got something to prove, his forehead damp with exertion. Even his arms, his sleeves rolled up, are kind of… glistening, just faintly, with a light sheen of sweat. And it’s kind of gross, but kind of hot, too, and Ann wishes more than anything she’d just remained oblivious. It’s Ryuji, she thinks again, with faint disbelief. His best quality is that he always remembers to keep his roots retouched.

Well...

She glances over again and thinks that maybe she should give him a little more credit. He’s loyal to his friends, too. And usually pretty dependable. And maybe it’s not such a surprise he’s got such great arms when he spends so much time clubbing shadows in the Metaverse. Even if he’s not her first choice, he’s not so bad. He’s a good friend. She’d been surprised by how nice it was to reconnect, and even if they argue a lot she’s glad that they have a place to belong, that they both found the Phantom Thieves. And maybe it’s okay that their friendship is a little different, that there’s an awareness she has of Ryuji - and of Shiho - that she doesn’t have of any of her other friends.

Once the training’s done, they all decide to head to LeBlanc for some of Boss’s curry. They’re all in a good mood, pumped from the exercise, and it’s infectious, a circular, spreading sort of happiness that permeates their group as they leave the gym. Ryuji winds up in the middle, with Ann and Akira on either side.

“Man that was a good work out. I feel great.” He stretches his arms above his head, then lets them fall, swinging them at his sides.

Akira grins. “You seem pretty pumped up,” he says.

“Hell yeah I am,” Ryuji agrees. He slings an arm around each of them, pulling them closer as he leans in. “We’re the Phantom Thieves! We can do anything.” He lets go and bounds ahead, pumping one fist in the air. “I’m hungry, guys, come on. We got curry waitin’ for us!”

Ann blinks, her shoulders still feeling the warmth and weight of his arm around her, watching as he jogs ahead of them. His hand, bigger than she expected, had cupped her arm right below her shoulder. And he’d pulled her closer, firm but not rough, and she’d felt the heat of his body against hers. That was… that was not good, she thinks. And she wants to put a hand to her cheek but she doesn’t, because she hates that she already knows it’ll be warm. That she’s faintly blushing - because of Ryuji. Ugh, she thinks. It’s not fair.

Akira grins at her like he knows something, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Ann frowns and he laughs. “You can’t fault him for enthusiasm, at least,” he says. “We better catch up before we lose him.”

She thinks about telling Akira, maybe. He’d understand, and he wouldn’t judge her. And even though he’s probably Ryuji’s best friend he wouldn’t say anything, not if she asked him to keep her secret. But she’s so embarrassed she doesn’t want anyone to know, doesn’t want to have to say it out loud. It’s bad enough to feel it, she thinks, but to actually say it out loud makes it too concrete, too real. She’s fine with feeling it if she has to: the swoop in her stomach, the tingle that comes when he stands close, the strange giddiness when he does something uncharacteristically charming. But having to actually put those feeling into words seems like it’s asking a bit too much.

Maybe she could tell Shiho one day, though. She’d definitely make fun of her, especially as much as Ann complains about Ryuji. But that’s okay, Ann can take a little teasing. And maybe Shiho would understand, maybe she’d tell Ann that she gets it, too, that Ryuji is kind of cute when he’s not being so annoying. They could laugh about him together, about how he’d make the worst boyfriend but would probably be a great cuddler. How he’s got kind eyes but smiles through sharp teeth. How he’s long and lean, with loose limbs and a quick strength. How Ann doesn’t know how to feel, not really, not when she’s torn between friendship and attraction, wondering if she could shut him up one day with her mouth hot and sure against his.

She swallows as she falls behind Akira as they head down to get on the train for Yongen. And maybe if she is brave enough to tell Shiho how she feels about Ryuji… then one day she’ll be brave enough to tell her how she feels about her, too. She could tell her how much she cares, that Shiho is her best friend, that she’s going to be strong, to get stronger, to be the best she can because Shiho makes her want to be her best. She’ll tell her how beautiful she is, how graceful, how sleek, how Ann’s blown away by the curve of her mouth and the light in her eyes. And maybe Shiho will look at her, surprised, and then smile and say she feels the same way too. It would be so easy then to take her hand, to lace their fingers together. And then maybe Shiho would pull her closer and put a hand to her cheek and Ann would feel Shiho, soft and warm against her, and she would kiss her, gentle and slow.

When they get to LeBlanc, they all pile inside. Akira and Morgana take one side of a booth, and Ryuji pours himself into the other. Ann huffs, but takes a side beside him, pressing her knees together and hoping she doesn’t accidentally brush against him.

“I’ll ask Sojiro for some curry,” Akira says. “Does anyone want coffee or anything?” Neither she nor Ryuji do, so he gets up and goes over to the counter to talk to Boss.

“Hey,” Ryuji says, turning a little to face her. “You okay? You been kind of out of it all afternoon, not really into the trainin’.” There’s a lock of her hair curling out from the rest and he gently tugs. It doesn’t hurt, but he is literally pulling her pigtail and it makes her stomach flip. He moves his hand under his chin, his elbow resting on the table. “So tell me what’s up.”

It’s nice that he cares about her, makes it a little easier to look past his bad qualities, to deal with wanting him. And it’s… tempting, she has to admit it, when he’s that close, to think about saying something. The magnetism she feels is electric, and whether it’s Ryuji or Shiho it’s thrilling, this feeling of excitement, this feeling that something big and incredible is almost within her reach. But the thought of ruining her friendships gives her pause, dampens the momentum of the feeling. Even if Ryuji was an idiot about it - not that she’d ever tell him, but… if - the rest of the Phantom Thieves wouldn’t let him get away with hurting her or saying something dumb without thinking.

Shiho, on the other hand, is Ann’s best friend, and completely separate from the rest of them. If something happened, there would be no safety net to fix things between them. If Shiho didn’t return her feelings, or worse, didn’t want her feeling that way… There was nothing she could do. That thought was terrifying. No matter how incredible being with Shiho seemed, there was no way Ann would risk their friendship. She thought about the two of them: Ryuji, brash and loud, who would probably kiss her with a quick, unsteady mouth, his face red as he wrapped strong arms around her. And Shiho, who knows her so well she’d already know exactly what Ann would like, tucking her hair behind her ear and kissing her soft with eyes fluttering closed. She’s almost grateful that, because this is her secret, she’ll never have to choose.

Ryuji’s question still hangs in the air and he looks at her expectantly. Ann nudges him with an elbow, playful, and gives him a smile. “I’m fine,” she says. “I was just thinking about Shiho.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! Thanks for reading.


End file.
